The obstacles for the young pre-professional artist

This entry will be much more of a philosophical thought than analysis of my practice development during the sessions.  

So this year, as every year at University, we had a 3 week break in between two terms. However, for emigrant students like me, who are not getting any kind of loan or other financial support to cover living costs, this time of the year is the very time to earn some money, so i've been working about 80percent of my 3 weeks break time. Although, I wouldn't exactly say, that it wasn't beneficial for my artistic development in any way, as I do not usually dress up as Oompa Loompa in public ;] also, it really was a hard physical work, especially increasing multitasking and co-ordination skills - it is quite a task to balance on one foot whilst leaning over the table pouring hot coffee and holding full pot of boiling tea still behind yourself, so you wouldn't burn yourself or other people close to you. (Do not try it at home ;]]) However, stopping myself from further moaning, I am quite proud of myself for using my only few days off work for resting and writing about 2000 words for my dissertation! (yayyyy) Although I am not quite surprised that I feel extremely exhausted after only first two days back at uni! 

Also, I am not sure if this was caused by an explosion of overwhelmed mind, I recently experienced the change of my attitude - instead of enormous desire and belief of being powerful and able to develop myself in everything I do at the same time (being a superwoman all over the place!), I have turned into the most careless person in the world - 'I'll do everything I have to do without worrying about anything'. Surprisingly, an amazing thing revealed ! I have learned to listen what universe has to offer to me and became open for all the possibilities, and learn the most in the most effortless way possible! I have been constantly told that I need to stop worrying about things and outcome of it, that I just need to let things be and let things happen itself...Believe me, I am not usually one of those people, who are patient enough to wait for things to happen, I tend to get on everything and beat the life hardly to achieve my goals..I really tried to understand the 'letting go and letting be' concept, but only now, when I stopped caring too much, I actually understand what that means. Now I let myself just enjoy the moment and let go of any of the expectations (which the world tried to literally tell me for a while, but I couldn't understand this idea) Therefore ! My dance practice really changed... Instead of having second thoughts about doing things right, worrying about what others, including my teachers, would think of me, how this would affect my grades, etc., I come to class with an attitude, that I have been dancing for a number of years, and I am here to enjoy these skills, and it doesn't matter where it is going to take me or whether I'm actually gonna learn something today. surprisingly, it really works. Since I don't see the sessions as a hard work, I end up rather empowered and energized than as completed the obligation. I find myself observing much more information in this way than ever before.

To sum it all up, I just want to say, that the life is full of surprises, and stopping trying to be perfect, can sometimes reveal more than hard work ! Sometimes we just need to let ourselves be third year's, let ourselves feel mature enough to start fully enjoy the pleasure of dance - this is where all the gathered information settles within the soma and allows our full potential to finally take place! 

Concluding, I wish myself to keep not caring this whole term, that I now really look forwards and am excited about !

p.s. note to myself - remember to acknowledge what will actually be learned, there is a lot of information to come still, at least, note it down !;]

Furthermore, for now I let my head rest from thinking too much about what I am going to do with my life when I finish university - I leave my head open for the answer to come itself; It will come, and I will know when I know that something is the right thing to do or move towards ;]  Need more space in my head for dissertation anyway ;] We only live once ! and we are artists too - we are allowed to be a little crazy and wind blown !